adBlockCheck

The Pros And Cons Of Gun Control

Top Headlines

Recent News

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Obesity: Myth Vs. Fact

With as many as one in three people in the U.S. qualifying as obese, misconceptions are often formed about what it means to be significantly overweight. The Onion separates obesity myths from facts

A Primer On North Korea

The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea remains largely unknown to Americans due mainly to the secrecy and isolationism upheld by its government. The Onion provides a primer on North Korea’s people and culture
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

The Pros And Cons Of Gun Control

While anti-violence activists continue to push for stricter gun laws including an all-out ban on assault weapons, gun advocates have dug in their heels, arguing that banning firearms and concealed carry violates people’s rights. Here are arguments for and against gun control:

PROS OF GUN CONTROL:

  • Advances the NRA’s mission of responsibility with firearms
  • Cold, dead hands free to hold other things
  • Mailroom guy just stormed off after getting fired
  • Guns are so loud!
  • Nerds, freaks, and weirdos could once again be put in their place without fear of reprisal
  • Still hundreds of other ways to murder people out there
  • Family not worth defending

CONS OF GUN CONTROL:

  • Ugh, already bought so many guns
  • Leaves citizens defenseless against government with world’s largest military, vast stockpile of nuclear weapons
  • Shopping for wedding gift suddenly even harder
  • Already hollowed out Bible
  • Nothing to spin around finger when bored
  • May encounter some resistance
  • Bang! Bang! Bang! Woohoo!

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close