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Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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The Pros And Cons Of Vaccinating Children

The anti-vaccination movement has grown increasingly vocal in recent years, with a variety of organizations and public figures attempting to convince parents that immunizing their children presents more risks than benefits. Here are the cases for and against vaccinating children:

PROS

  • Helps out pharmaceutical industry
  • Get to puncture child with needle
  • Old family syringe shop depends on it
  • Habituates children to the pain of existence
  • Flies in face of science by discrediting single unanimously refuted paper from 10 years ago
  • Healthier children equals friendlier waiters at Chili’s down the line
  • Could save a few million children’s lives

CONS

  • You have to go to a place
  • Chance of developing autism 100 percent
  • Puts the onus of character-building entirely on sports
  • Without suffering through diphtheria, the flu, and measles, American children will become effete, pampered do-nothings
  • Free lollipops promote unhealthy eating habits
  • Child won’t get to be kindergarten’s Typhoid Mary
  • Bullies parents into slavishly following actions recommended by decades of physicians’ peer-reviewed research that establishes an irrefutable scientific consensus

More from this section

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

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