The Rising Cost Of Weddings

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DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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The Rising Cost Of Weddings

According to a survey of newlyweds across the country, the average cost of a wedding in the United States is now around $30,000, putting many couples in major debt to celebrate their big day. Here are some common costs that American couples incur at their weddings:

  • $25,000: Standard priest appearance fee
  • $200,000: Rights to My Heart Will Go On for first dance
  • $1.1 million: Lab-grown wedding cake toppers genetically identical to bride and groom
  • $30,000: Rental of chapel large enough to accommodate 900 other Moonies
  • $12: Wedding cake
  • $20,000: Flower girl lessons
  • $8,780: Something blue
  • $4,500: Soft-focus black-and-white image of one wedding ring lying atop another
  • $3,500: Maternity bridal gown
  • $550: Some embarrassing decorative bullshit that looked way better on Pinterest
  • $10,000: Love