The Rising Cost Of Weddings

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Vol 50 Issue 15

Xylophonist Shredding It

Everyone in a bustling Chinese parade is attempting to elude pursuers, newly discovered cave paintings suggest early man was battling a lot of inner demons, and a xylophonist is shredding it.

Alabama Quietly Strikes Bo Bice Day From State Calendar

MONTGOMERY, AL—Conceding that there was no longer a need to formally acknowledge the accomplishments of American Idol fourth season runner-up and Alabama native Bo Bice, state officials Friday quietly moved to strike Bo Bice Day from the offi...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

The Rising Cost Of Weddings

According to a survey of newlyweds across the country, the average cost of a wedding in the United States is now around $30,000, putting many couples in major debt to celebrate their big day. Here are some common costs that American couples incur at their weddings:

  • $25,000: Standard priest appearance fee
  • $200,000: Rights to My Heart Will Go On for first dance
  • $1.1 million: Lab-grown wedding cake toppers genetically identical to bride and groom
  • $30,000: Rental of chapel large enough to accommodate 900 other Moonies
  • $12: Wedding cake
  • $20,000: Flower girl lessons
  • $8,780: Something blue
  • $4,500: Soft-focus black-and-white image of one wedding ring lying atop another
  • $3,500: Maternity bridal gown
  • $550: Some embarrassing decorative bullshit that looked way better on Pinterest
  • $10,000: Love
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