CLEVELAND— Sherwin-Williams officials announced Monday that the company is nearing the midpoint of its 112-year project to cover the Earth in a coat of bright red paint. "We're proud to announce that the entire Northern Hemisphere should be slathered 10 feet deep in candy-apple red Latex Semi-Gloss by year's end," Sherwin-Williams CEO Christopher Connor said. "And we are fully confident that the rest of the globe can be completed well before the giant space bucket runs out of paint." For the more difficult second-phase painting of the Earth's underside, workmen equipped with spray hoses will be suspended by cables from the equator.
DOWNERS GROVE, IL— With hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place, Ted Cleamons, 36, forced his exhausted 8-year-old son Andy to stay up late Monday to finish their Monopoly game. "Come on, kiddo, it shouldn't be too much longer," Ted told a bleary-eyed Andy at 11:15 p.m., just past the game's three-hour mark. "Go again, you rolled doubles."
CORVALLIS, OR— Becky Van Gelder, an 11-year-old white girl from Corvallis, was abducted from her home Monday, bumping 10-year-old Chicago black girl Tyesha Washington from the nation's newspaper headlines. "When a child is harmed, we all lose a small piece of our collective innocence," said USA Today managing editor Donna McCutcheon, who moved the Washington abduction to page 23A to make room for Van Gelder on the cover. "Especially when it's a young blonde girl like Becky."
TEL AVIV, ISRAEL— His nerves shot, Tel Aviv bus driver Yehuda Ben-Zvi said Monday that he wants a "really big" raise. "I'm sorry, but 20 lousy sheqels an hour to drive a bus in this country just doesn't cut it," said Ben-Zvi, 44, nervously scanning each person boarding his bus. "If they don't up me to at least 100 [sheqels] an hour, I'm outta here." Added Ben-Zvi: "Shit, it's not like I've got some deep commitment to providing public transportation. People can walk."
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox
8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC
Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!
WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...