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Fantasy Sports

FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

The Saints' Hapless History

The Saints' road to their first Super Bowl wasn't an easy one, as for years they were one of the unluckiest, most bumbling franchises in sports. We review their tale of football woe.

  • 1967: After John Gilliam returns the opening kickoff 94 yards for the team's first-ever touchdown, the Saints are out of breath for the rest of the season
  • 1970: Though he was able make a game-winning, record-setting 63-yard field goal, Tom Dempsey kicks off half his foot in the process
  • 1975: The Louisiana Superdome is built as a place to play Final Fours, Super Bowls, and huge arena rock concerts; four years later, management begrudgingly allows the Saints to play there, too
  • 1978: The NFL expands to a 16-game season, giving the Saints an opportunity to lose even more games
  • 1980: Giant paper bag placed over entire city of New Orleans
  • 1984: Running back Earl Campbell bursts through the defensive line, throws linebackers aside, and runs 80 yards to the end zone before realizing he forgot to grab the handoff
  • 1989: Third rather disappointing Mardi Gras in a row makes it impossible for the team to sign free agents
  • 1999: To acquire Ricky Williams, Mike Ditka trades the entire 1999 draft, two picks in the 2000 draft, the next four Mardi Gras parades, and the city's jazz tradition
  • 2001: Aiming to set modest, achievable goals, head coach Jim Haslett starts training camp by printing up and distributing "7-9 or Bust" T-shirts
  • 2005: In the wake of Hurricane Katrina, the Saints stay on friends' couches and play all their scheduled home games at friends' stadiums
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