adBlockCheck

Sports

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
End Of Section
  • More News

The Saints' Hapless History

The Saints' road to their first Super Bowl wasn't an easy one, as for years they were one of the unluckiest, most bumbling franchises in sports. We review their tale of football woe.

  • 1967: After John Gilliam returns the opening kickoff 94 yards for the team's first-ever touchdown, the Saints are out of breath for the rest of the season
  • 1970: Though he was able make a game-winning, record-setting 63-yard field goal, Tom Dempsey kicks off half his foot in the process
  • 1975: The Louisiana Superdome is built as a place to play Final Fours, Super Bowls, and huge arena rock concerts; four years later, management begrudgingly allows the Saints to play there, too
  • 1978: The NFL expands to a 16-game season, giving the Saints an opportunity to lose even more games
  • 1980: Giant paper bag placed over entire city of New Orleans
  • 1984: Running back Earl Campbell bursts through the defensive line, throws linebackers aside, and runs 80 yards to the end zone before realizing he forgot to grab the handoff
  • 1989: Third rather disappointing Mardi Gras in a row makes it impossible for the team to sign free agents
  • 1999: To acquire Ricky Williams, Mike Ditka trades the entire 1999 draft, two picks in the 2000 draft, the next four Mardi Gras parades, and the city's jazz tradition
  • 2001: Aiming to set modest, achievable goals, head coach Jim Haslett starts training camp by printing up and distributing "7-9 or Bust" T-shirts
  • 2005: In the wake of Hurricane Katrina, the Saints stay on friends' couches and play all their scheduled home games at friends' stadiums

More from this section

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close