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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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The Saints' Hapless History

The Saints' road to their first Super Bowl wasn't an easy one, as for years they were one of the unluckiest, most bumbling franchises in sports. We review their tale of football woe.

  • 1967: After John Gilliam returns the opening kickoff 94 yards for the team's first-ever touchdown, the Saints are out of breath for the rest of the season
  • 1970: Though he was able make a game-winning, record-setting 63-yard field goal, Tom Dempsey kicks off half his foot in the process
  • 1975: The Louisiana Superdome is built as a place to play Final Fours, Super Bowls, and huge arena rock concerts; four years later, management begrudgingly allows the Saints to play there, too
  • 1978: The NFL expands to a 16-game season, giving the Saints an opportunity to lose even more games
  • 1980: Giant paper bag placed over entire city of New Orleans
  • 1984: Running back Earl Campbell bursts through the defensive line, throws linebackers aside, and runs 80 yards to the end zone before realizing he forgot to grab the handoff
  • 1989: Third rather disappointing Mardi Gras in a row makes it impossible for the team to sign free agents
  • 1999: To acquire Ricky Williams, Mike Ditka trades the entire 1999 draft, two picks in the 2000 draft, the next four Mardi Gras parades, and the city's jazz tradition
  • 2001: Aiming to set modest, achievable goals, head coach Jim Haslett starts training camp by printing up and distributing "7-9 or Bust" T-shirts
  • 2005: In the wake of Hurricane Katrina, the Saints stay on friends' couches and play all their scheduled home games at friends' stadiums

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