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The Secret

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Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
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The Secret

The Secret—the new self-help book and DVD that purports to channel ancient wisdom and claims that if you ask the universe for something, it will be delivered—has become a nationwide phenomenon. Here are some of the book's tips:

You deserve whatever you want no matter how awful you are

Try not to use any critical-thinking skills or logic when pondering concept of The Secret

Capitalizing on basic human feelings such as greed can bring you vast wealth

Eat a hearty breakfast every day

Please allow universe six to eight millennia to deliver

You can never be too tan

The Secret does not work if you are attempting to learn it from stolen, bootlegged, or borrowed products from Prime Time Productions

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