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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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The Secret

The Secret—the new self-help book and DVD that purports to channel ancient wisdom and claims that if you ask the universe for something, it will be delivered—has become a nationwide phenomenon. Here are some of the book's tips:

You deserve whatever you want no matter how awful you are

Try not to use any critical-thinking skills or logic when pondering concept of The Secret

Capitalizing on basic human feelings such as greed can bring you vast wealth

Eat a hearty breakfast every day

Please allow universe six to eight millennia to deliver

You can never be too tan

The Secret does not work if you are attempting to learn it from stolen, bootlegged, or borrowed products from Prime Time Productions

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