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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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The Sinking Of The Titanic: 100 Years Later

Last week marked the centennial of the historic sinking of the Titanic on its maiden voyage from Southampton, England, to New York. Here's how the anniversary was commemorated:

  • The iceberg that sank the Titanic inducted into the International Iceberg Hall of Fame
  • 1,000,000 people joined hands by the Southampton dock and pictured Kate Winslet naked
  • British newspapers honored the anniversary by breaking out their seldom-used 100-point headline font
  • Carnival Cruise Lines flashmob where passengers dressed in period costumes and fought over lifeboats
  • Day trips to the middle of the Atlantic to watch whatever ships happened to be sinking
  • Riverboat casinos offered guests $50 in free chips in exchange for going whole day without saying "sinking" or "Titanic"
  • The Anti-Iceberg League sponsored its annual Melt-a-Thon, encouraging everyone around the world to burn as much fossil fuel as possible
  • Watched that movie…what was it called?…the ship going down…right, Poseidon Adventure
  • Little get-together on a houseboat
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