The Sinking Of The Titanic: 100 Years Later

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Vol 48 Issue 16

Study: Red Meat Takes Years Off Of Cow's Life

WASHINGTON—Confirming years of speculation, a new study from the U.S. Department of Agriculture's National Animal Health Monitoring System has found that red meat significantly increases the risk of premature death in cows.

Storage Wars

A&E 8:30 p.m. EST/7:30 p.m. CST A dejected Dave thinks the storage locker he purchased is a bust when once again he finds nothing but a 55-gallon oil drum stuffed with two female bodies, but he rejoices upon realizing the corpses are concealing a min...

So, You Wanna Dance?

Fox 8:00 p.m. EST/7:00 p.m. CST With host Ryan Seacrest looming over them, waiting…sure they do!
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

The Sinking Of The Titanic: 100 Years Later

Last week marked the centennial of the historic sinking of the Titanic on its maiden voyage from Southampton, England, to New York. Here's how the anniversary was commemorated:

  • The iceberg that sank the Titanic inducted into the International Iceberg Hall of Fame
  • 1,000,000 people joined hands by the Southampton dock and pictured Kate Winslet naked
  • British newspapers honored the anniversary by breaking out their seldom-used 100-point headline font
  • Carnival Cruise Lines flashmob where passengers dressed in period costumes and fought over lifeboats
  • Day trips to the middle of the Atlantic to watch whatever ships happened to be sinking
  • Riverboat casinos offered guests $50 in free chips in exchange for going whole day without saying "sinking" or "Titanic"
  • The Anti-Iceberg League sponsored its annual Melt-a-Thon, encouraging everyone around the world to burn as much fossil fuel as possible
  • Watched that movie…what was it called?…the ship going down…right, Poseidon Adventure
  • Little get-together on a houseboat
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