adBlockCheck

Recent News

Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.

How To Combat Harassment Online

Online harassment is an increasingly contentious issue, with social media sites like Twitter and Reddit pressured to crack down on users’ abusive behavior. Here are The Onion’s tips for combating harassment online:
End Of Section
  • More News

The Sinking Of The Titanic: 100 Years Later

Last week marked the centennial of the historic sinking of the Titanic on its maiden voyage from Southampton, England, to New York. Here's how the anniversary was commemorated:

  • The iceberg that sank the Titanic inducted into the International Iceberg Hall of Fame
  • 1,000,000 people joined hands by the Southampton dock and pictured Kate Winslet naked
  • British newspapers honored the anniversary by breaking out their seldom-used 100-point headline font
  • Carnival Cruise Lines flashmob where passengers dressed in period costumes and fought over lifeboats
  • Day trips to the middle of the Atlantic to watch whatever ships happened to be sinking
  • Riverboat casinos offered guests $50 in free chips in exchange for going whole day without saying "sinking" or "Titanic"
  • The Anti-Iceberg League sponsored its annual Melt-a-Thon, encouraging everyone around the world to burn as much fossil fuel as possible
  • Watched that movie…what was it called?…the ship going down…right, Poseidon Adventure
  • Little get-together on a houseboat

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close