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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.

A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:
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The Sony Cyber-Pooch

Offered for sale exclusively over the Internet, Sony's new "Aibo"--a $2,500 robotic dog that can go for walks, wag it's tail and do tricks--recently sold out in 20 minutes. Why is Aibo so popular?
Offered for sale exclusively over the Internet, Sony's new "Aibo"--a $2,500 robotic dog that can go for walks, wag it's tail and do tricks--recently sold out in 20 minutes. Why is Aibo so popular?

Offered for sale exclusively over the Internet, Sony's new "Aibo"--a $2,500 robotic dog that can go for walks, wag it's tail and do tricks--recently sold out in 20 minutes. Why is Aibo so popular?

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