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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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The Traditional Championship Game Mayor's Bet

It's a hallowed tradition for the mayors of cities represented in the championship game to make a wager as a show of their city's spirit and civic pride. Onion Sports looks at some of the best:

1974: New Orleans mayor Moon Landrieu guarantees the Jazz will win a championship within the franchise's first five years or he will sell the team to the "weirdest city in America"

1976: After New York mayor Abe Beame fails to make good on his World Series bet with the mayor of Cincinnati, a suspicious series of brutal killings rocks the Big Apple

1977: Oakland mayor John H. Reading bets Minneapolis mayor Charles Stenvig that if the Raiders win the championship game, the Vikings will never show their faces in the Super Bowl again

1985: Following the World Series, the mayors of Kansas City and St. Louis exchange snow globes of their respective cities

1987: Washington, D.C. mayor Marion Barry places $4,000 on St. Louis to beat Minnesota in the World Series

2000: During the Subway Series between the Mets and Yankees, New York mayor Rudy Giuliani loses a bet with the mayor of New York and is obligated to take New York's mayor out to a seven-course dinner at one of New York City's finest restaurants

2004: New England faces Carolina in the Super Bowl, but no one is exactly sure who the mayors of New England or Carolina are

2008: The NFC championship game against the Giants marks the 75th consecutive time a mayor of Green Bay has wagered a block of cheese

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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