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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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The Troubled Future Of Reality Shows

The recent death of DJ AM has jeopardized Gone Too Far, a yet-to-air MTV program in which he helps people battle their addictions. Likewise, the suicide of a Megan Wants A Millionaire contestant accused of murdering his ex-wife has put an end to that show. What other scandals have disrupted reality series?

  • NBC comes under fire when producers fail to vet 386-pound Biggest Loser contestant Lou Holloway, and he's revealed to actually weigh 172 pounds
  • Britain's Got Talent is temporarily thrown into disarray when a physically unattractive person is revealed to have some shred of societal worth
  • America's Got Talent is put on hiatus after Nick Cannon is stopped at the U.S.-Mexico border with a suitcase full of parrots
  • VH1's entire fall lineup is put on hold due to a syphilis outbreak among most of the shows' stars, contestants, and crew members
  • Production on Project Runway is suspended when frontrunner Christopher Straub is found to have simply glued some beads and tassels onto existing Talbots clothing during each challenge
  • The contestants on More To Love realize they aren't interested in dating other fat people and just wander off one by one
  • After learning there would be a new season of Paris Hilton's My New BFF, season-one BFF Brittany Flickinger tweets secrets she learned about Paris during their one day as "friends"
  • Filming of 18 Kids And Counting is abruptly halted after several vital organs fall out of mother Michelle Duggar's abdominal cavity through her gaping vagina

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