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The Troubled Life Of Jayson Williams

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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
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The Troubled Life Of Jayson Williams

Former Nets star Williams has pleaded guilty to aggravated assault in the 2002 accidental shooting death of his chauffeur, capping a years-long saga of depression and violence. We break down his troubled tale.

  • 1990: While on a street court in New York City, Williams' violent attacks on several players are mistaken for aggressive defense, leading to his draft into the NBA
  • 1992: With the stench of alcohol on his breath and blood pouring down his face, Williams is sentenced to eight years with the New Jersey Nets
  • 1994: Suffers third-degree burns on chest, neck, and face after attempting to freebase a basketball
  • 1996: Pretty good game against the Knicks
  • 1997-1998: On his best behavior, Williams resists temptation to steal ball from opponents
  • 2001: Williams has one of only five lifetime interactions with a motor vehicle in which he commits no crime
  • 2002: Eyewitnesses to the shooting step forward, claiming that immediately after the gun went off, Williams was heard to shout "Whoopsy-daisy!"
  • 2003: Williams begins an ill-fated "Legalize Accidentally Shooting People in the Face" campaign
  • 2004: After splitting an order of fries with friends at Denny's, Williams is caught stealing $1.38 in tips from an adjacent table
  • 2004: While on trial for reckless manslaughter, an intoxicated Williams accidentally shoots his lawyer with the gun marked "Exhibit A"
  • 2008: Williams shoots another guy in the face, but is able to cover it up pretty effectively this time

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