The Unique Challenges Of Augusta National

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Vol 47 Issue 14

Detroit Pistons JumboTron Not Even Trying Anymore

AUBURN HILLS, MI—Making flippant remarks about the game such as "BASKETBALL GAME HAPPENING NOW" and "WHO REALLY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT ANY OF THIS?" the Detroit Pistons' JumboTron has reportedly stopped trying to pretend to care abou...

Oh, God, Area Man Making His Move

BRIGHTON, NY—Patrons of the Full Moon Tavern are reporting that oh, God, area man Darrell Barnes is walking right up to that beautiful woman sitting by the window.

Zip-Lining Day Trip To Somehow Save Marriage

CONCORD, NH—According to sources, the deteriorating 10-year-old marriage of Dale and Gina Byer will somehow be magically restored this weekend by a zip-lining excursion to the mountains of northern New Hampshire.

Guy In Audience Shouts Out Perfect Thing

COLUMBUS, OH—Audience members at Crossroads Cinema were treated to an unexpected delight Friday when someone in the crowd shouted out a hilarious thing at the exact right moment, sources reported.
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The Unique Challenges Of Augusta National

As the Masters tees off, we take a closer look at what makes Augusta one of golf's most legendary and difficult courses.

  • All the holes are really far from where you tee off
  • Water hazard on hole four is especially tricky because it's pretty much just a drunk guy with a fire hose
  • Seventh tee actually faces a giant wall painted to look like a fairway
  • Unlike the other holes, hole 14 does not come with a sign that says which clubs to use
  • The green on hole 15 has three holes, and it's really hard to remember which one is the real one and which will spit your ball back up on the fairway
  • Hole 17's green is surrounded by several bunkers as well as a troll who will not allow golfers to pass until they solve his riddles
  • Making a divot causes the course itself to shriek like a woman being flayed while the wounded turf slowly wells up with bright red blood
  • The front gates of Augusta National have long been considered the toughest section of any golf course in the world to navigate
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