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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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The Unique Challenges Of Augusta National

As the Masters tees off, we take a closer look at what makes Augusta one of golf's most legendary and difficult courses.

  • All the holes are really far from where you tee off
  • Water hazard on hole four is especially tricky because it's pretty much just a drunk guy with a fire hose
  • Seventh tee actually faces a giant wall painted to look like a fairway
  • Unlike the other holes, hole 14 does not come with a sign that says which clubs to use
  • The green on hole 15 has three holes, and it's really hard to remember which one is the real one and which will spit your ball back up on the fairway
  • Hole 17's green is surrounded by several bunkers as well as a troll who will not allow golfers to pass until they solve his riddles
  • Making a divot causes the course itself to shriek like a woman being flayed while the wounded turf slowly wells up with bright red blood
  • The front gates of Augusta National have long been considered the toughest section of any golf course in the world to navigate

More from this section

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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