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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.
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The Unique Challenges Of Augusta National

As the Masters tees off, we take a closer look at what makes Augusta one of golf's most legendary and difficult courses.

  • All the holes are really far from where you tee off
  • Water hazard on hole four is especially tricky because it's pretty much just a drunk guy with a fire hose
  • Seventh tee actually faces a giant wall painted to look like a fairway
  • Unlike the other holes, hole 14 does not come with a sign that says which clubs to use
  • The green on hole 15 has three holes, and it's really hard to remember which one is the real one and which will spit your ball back up on the fairway
  • Hole 17's green is surrounded by several bunkers as well as a troll who will not allow golfers to pass until they solve his riddles
  • Making a divot causes the course itself to shriek like a woman being flayed while the wounded turf slowly wells up with bright red blood
  • The front gates of Augusta National have long been considered the toughest section of any golf course in the world to navigate

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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

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