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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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The University Honor Code

Brandon Davies' dismissal from the BYU basketball team for honor code violations has drawn attention to the very idea of honor codes. We've outlined some of the more prominent examples for you:

  • Butler: Pretend to go to classes every day even though the only part of the university that actually exists is the gym
  • Citadel: No Second Amendment on the court
  • Indiana University: What's left of school's honor code is mostly illegible considering Bob Knight chewed it up and pissed on it in 1998
  • Miami: Strict penalties are handed down to any athlete who shorts a teammate on an eighth
  • Notre Dame: You can lie all you want, but Jesus saw what you did
  • Pacific: Code of conduct is unspecific but says players should never act in a manner that's not befitting the Pacific Ocean
  • Purdue: Students must pledge never to build, or contemplate the building of, a drum larger than the university's famous World's Largest Drum
  • University of Texas: Athletes are not allowed to take money, but any piles of money they find just lying around the place are fair game
  • UC Berkeley: Athletes are strictly forbidden from either killing the buzz or quelling the vibe
  • USC: None
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