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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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The University Honor Code

Brandon Davies' dismissal from the BYU basketball team for honor code violations has drawn attention to the very idea of honor codes. We've outlined some of the more prominent examples for you:

  • Butler: Pretend to go to classes every day even though the only part of the university that actually exists is the gym
  • Citadel: No Second Amendment on the court
  • Indiana University: What's left of school's honor code is mostly illegible considering Bob Knight chewed it up and pissed on it in 1998
  • Miami: Strict penalties are handed down to any athlete who shorts a teammate on an eighth
  • Notre Dame: You can lie all you want, but Jesus saw what you did
  • Pacific: Code of conduct is unspecific but says players should never act in a manner that's not befitting the Pacific Ocean
  • Purdue: Students must pledge never to build, or contemplate the building of, a drum larger than the university's famous World's Largest Drum
  • University of Texas: Athletes are not allowed to take money, but any piles of money they find just lying around the place are fair game
  • UC Berkeley: Athletes are strictly forbidden from either killing the buzz or quelling the vibe
  • USC: None

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