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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Tiger's Slump

Despite one great come-from-behind tournament win, Tiger Woods has not been the same golfer since returning from surgery. Some signs he's not at his peak:

Despite the massive acreage at Doral, still managed to slip on only banana peel on entire course

Rather than yelling, "Fore!" after his bad shots, Woods now collapses in pain while yelling, "My knee!"

Wrote an article for Golf Magazine titled "What's Wrong With Tiger Woods?"

When he walks, leg makes a sound like a celery stalk being twisted

New Gatorade "Tiger Focus" flavor tastes like knee pus

Clubs thrown in fit of anger traveling farther than his disappointing drives

Before replacing his divots, picks them up, stares at them forlornly, says, "That's like my knee"

No longer wins every single tournament he enters

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