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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.

A Timeline Of Valentine’s Day History

Every February, people across the world engage in romantic traditions with their loved ones in celebration of Valentine’s Day. The Onion provides a timeline of the holiday’s inception and evolution:
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Timeline Of Mass Extinction

Scientists predict that human activity has put the world on the brink of the sixth mass extinction in earth’s history, an event characterized by the elimination of a large number of species within a very short period of time. Here is a timeline of extinction events over the planet’s history:

  • 450 million years ago: First Extinction: A bunch of dumb fish die
  • 450 million years ago-360 million years ago: Pretty smooth sailing, all things considered
  • 360 million years ago: Second Extinction: Following the eradication of 96 percent of all life, planet’s surviving bacteria really living it up
  • 250 million years ago: Third Extinction: Despite dire warnings of many within the scientific community, increasingly alarming assertions that another mass extinction could be imminent are largely ignored by dinosaur community
  • 205 million years ago: Fourth Extinction: End of winged crocodile species that would have blown your fucking mind
  • 65 million years ago: Fifth Extinction: Last living dinosaur on earth walks around confusedly for a few days before falling into a ravine
  • 20 million years ago: God dies
  • 1500 BCE: First inkling human beings might be plowing through every single species in path
  • 1992 CE: Kyoto Protocol tossed into path of oncoming extinction
  • 2010 CE: British Petroleum announces yearly earnings of $29.5 billion
  • 2015 CE: Town of Stonington, CT holds little recycling drive
  • 2200 CE: Sixth Extinction: Centuries of unchecked human activity wipe out 99.9 percent of all remaining species on earth; flora and fauna who are free from sin ascend to heaven
  • 2200 CE-800 million CE: Horseshoe crab racked with survivor’s guilt
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Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

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