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Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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Timeline Of Mass Extinction

Scientists predict that human activity has put the world on the brink of the sixth mass extinction in earth’s history, an event characterized by the elimination of a large number of species within a very short period of time. Here is a timeline of extinction events over the planet’s history:

  • 450 million years ago: First Extinction: A bunch of dumb fish die
  • 450 million years ago-360 million years ago: Pretty smooth sailing, all things considered
  • 360 million years ago: Second Extinction: Following the eradication of 96 percent of all life, planet’s surviving bacteria really living it up
  • 250 million years ago: Third Extinction: Despite dire warnings of many within the scientific community, increasingly alarming assertions that another mass extinction could be imminent are largely ignored by dinosaur community
  • 205 million years ago: Fourth Extinction: End of winged crocodile species that would have blown your fucking mind
  • 65 million years ago: Fifth Extinction: Last living dinosaur on earth walks around confusedly for a few days before falling into a ravine
  • 20 million years ago: God dies
  • 1500 BCE: First inkling human beings might be plowing through every single species in path
  • 1992 CE: Kyoto Protocol tossed into path of oncoming extinction
  • 2010 CE: British Petroleum announces yearly earnings of $29.5 billion
  • 2015 CE: Town of Stonington, CT holds little recycling drive
  • 2200 CE: Sixth Extinction: Centuries of unchecked human activity wipe out 99.9 percent of all remaining species on earth; flora and fauna who are free from sin ascend to heaven
  • 2200 CE-800 million CE: Horseshoe crab racked with survivor’s guilt

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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

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