Tips For A Healthy Pregnancy

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After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

How To Adopt A Child

Adoption is a beautiful way to provide a loving home for a child, though it is a logistically complex process that might take months or even years to complete. Here are the steps involved in adopting a child:

The Pros And Cons Of Helicopter Parenting

The rising trend of “helicopter parenting,” or hovering over a child’s educational, social, extracurricular, and home life, has been praised by some as true dedication to one’s kids and decried by others for potentially smothering a child’s independent development. Here are the pros and cons of helicopter parenting

Conductor Fatigue Blamed In Massive Model Train Crash

BLOOMINGTON, IN—After surveying the dozen railcars and cargo of Lincoln Logs strewn haphazardly across the grass mat, investigators concluded Friday that a massive model train derailment was the result of conductor fatigue.

The Pros And Cons Of Co-Sleeping

The act of co-sleeping, where babies and toddlers share a “family bed” with their parents, is a rising trend in the United States, though the practice is contested by those who doubt its purported benefits. Here are the pros and cons of co-sleeping with your child

The Onion’s Guide To Trick-Or-Treating

Halloween gives revelers a chance to receive candy all over the neighborhood. Here are some tips to make sure you get the most out of your experience and take home a big haul.
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Tips For A Healthy Pregnancy

Pregnancy is a challenging time for any expectant mother, but eating well, getting prenatal care, and being active are all ways that women can stay healthy and feel great. Here are some tips for having a problem-free pregnancy:

  • Practice positive psychology by announcing your pregnancy before it happens
  • Once you become pregnant, it’s critical that you immediately quit smoking in public
  • Tour several hospitals and maternity wards until you find the one your insurance company will pay for
  • Schedule a prenatal screening to force yourself to confront a million what-if scenarios you’re entirely unequipped to handle
  • Encourage healthy snacking habits by inserting some finely ground flaxseed near the entrance of your uterus
  • Write a birth plan that you will immediately throw out once the real pain begins
  • Studies on whether music can affect pregnancy are inconclusive, but still, no one should listen to that much Nazareth
  • Your husband can be a great source of support on everything except the litany of physical ailments that he has no possible way of understanding
  • Run three to four miles per day until your water breaks
  • Yoga class can be a great way to reduce stress while reminding you of what you looked like before all of this
  • Avoid things that can harm your baby, such as career ambitions, thoughts of furthering your education, and any personal hobbies or interests that once gave you a sense of identity
  • If you have difficulty conceiving, don’t despair. That’s simply your body’s way of telling you to continue enjoying life for a little while longer

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