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After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
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Tips For Choosing A Good Babysitter

More mothers and fathers today are working full-time while raising kids, which means parents are increasingly turning to babysitters and nannies to care for their children at home. Here are some tips for choosing the perfect babysitter for your child:

  • Check references by meeting any children the candidate has babysat and observing them for the next 10 to 15 years to see if they grow up to be healthy, well-adjusted adults.
  • Comb bus stations for reliable faces.
  • Compare Klout scores. Anyone below 75 won’t be effective in helping your child increase his or her brand awareness.
  • Evaluate all prospective sitters’ CPR skills by inviting them to stop by while your child is drowning.
  • Make sure they can identify a child in almost any situation.
  • Remember that by hiring a sitter you’re already abdicating your responsibility as a parent, so don’t get too worked up if something seems off.
  • It’s okay to hire more than one babysitter as long as their combined age is 15 years old.
  • Ease your reservations about using technology as a babysitter by remembering that no children have ever been inappropriately touched by an iPad.
  • Be shrewd by always offering to pay the babysitter half up front and the other half only if your child is still alive at the end of the night.
  • Before making any final decisions, ask yourself if you really deserve a night out at all.

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