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Tips

Choosing The Right Dog For You

Once you decide to get a dog, there’s a wide range of adoptable pets to choose from, whether it’s a mutt or purebred. The Onion offers some helpful tips for choosing the dog that’s right for you.

Choosing The Right School For Your Child

With a new school year beginning soon, parents are making decisions about which type of school best fits their child’s needs. The Onion breaks down what each has to offer.

The Onion’s Beach Bag Essentials

Each summer, Americans flock to the coasts to enjoy the sun and waves. Here are the beach bag must-haves you should never head to the shore without.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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Tips For Filling Out Your Bracket

With the field of 68 teams now set, millions of college basketball fans are selecting their picks for the 2014 NCAA Tournament. Here are OSN’s tips for filling out your March Madness bracket:

  • Work deductively. Write down the 9.2 quintillion possible brackets and cross off those that won’t happen one-by-one.
  • If you go mostly by seed, make things interesting by picking a few upsets, such as Wofford over Michigan, Wofford over Texas, and Wofford over Duke.
  • Statistical models incorporating baseline hazard functions and ordered probit regressions have shown a remarkable success rate in predicting tournament results, so try making one of those.
  • This goes without saying, but always fill out your bracket clockwise.
  • Make sure to point out that the women in your bracket pool usually just pick the team whose colors they like best, but, wouldn’t you know it, that’s sometimes enough for them to win.
  • Don’t put your trust in any of the teams. They’re just kids, after all.
  • The tournament always comes down to guard play, so base your picks on some other factor you actually understand.
  • Rewatch last year’s “One Shining Moment” montage, which almost always includes Easter eggs foreshadowing the next tournament.
  • Arizona will win the 2014 NCAA championship, defeating Syracuse 67-62. Use this knowledge to your advantage.
  • Be yourself and have fun!

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