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Tips

Choosing The Right Dog For You

Once you decide to get a dog, there’s a wide range of adoptable pets to choose from, whether it’s a mutt or purebred. The Onion offers some helpful tips for choosing the dog that’s right for you.

Choosing The Right School For Your Child

With a new school year beginning soon, parents are making decisions about which type of school best fits their child’s needs. The Onion breaks down what each has to offer.

The Onion’s Beach Bag Essentials

Each summer, Americans flock to the coasts to enjoy the sun and waves. Here are the beach bag must-haves you should never head to the shore without.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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Tips For Getting Over The Flu

Flu season is in full swing with at least 25 states reporting widespread cases of the illness. Here are The Onion’s tips for beating the flu:

  • Be between the ages of 2 and 79
  • To prevent yourself from becoming sicker, avoid contact with any and all microscopic organisms
  • Ensure plenty of rest by getting hit by a truck and falling into a deep coma
  • Keep yourself hydrated by drinking plenty of bodily fluids
  • Put on a brave face for the children
  • Decongest your sinuses by standing over a steaming manhole cover
  • Extract powerful flu-fighting antioxidants from fruits and berries by employing separation technology to make a serum, submitting the resulting serum to an adsorption process, and using ethanol or acetate to remove and collect the adsorbed antioxidants from the serum resin
  • Dwell on your symptoms long enough and you’ll slowly convince yourself it’s syphilis
  • For God’s sake, just keep living

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Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

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