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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Tips For High School Athletes

As America's teens return to class, they return to the playing fields as well. Onion Sports prepares them for what may be the greatest time in their lives.

  • Don't just automatically take the steroids your coach gives you. Shop around for the ones that are best for you.
  • If you've been running outside in extreme heat for hours and start to see spots, that's just your body's way of keeping itself hydrated.
  • You didn't hear it from us, but Elliot's dad said he saw a college scout checking you guys out at last week's game.
  • Hazing is absolutely forbidden by the policies of your school and your athletic conference. That said, ever wonder if Freddy Engel could swim all the way across Lake Sycamore without letting a candle stuck in his ass go out?
  • Wear your team jersey/singlet on all game/meet days, just so everyone knows that you're in sports.
  • Support girl's athletics just as much as boy's, because girls need to do their cute little jumps and bouncy things, too.
  • Just remember, not everyone can become the star of the team and score the winning point in the championship game. However, if you do not do these things, you are useless and will die alone, unmourned and unloved.
  • If you're not so great at sports, don't worry. It's not too late to start smoking and get cool that way.

More from this section

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

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