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The Onion’s Beach Bag Essentials

Each summer, Americans flock to the coasts to enjoy the sun and waves. Here are the beach bag must-haves you should never head to the shore without.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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Tips For Improving Memory

Many people find themselves struggling to recall an acquaintance’s name or remember where they left an important item, like their keys or cell phone. Here are a few simple brain-boosting tips that will help you avoid these mental missteps and improve your memory:

  • Keep your brain active by learning one new fact every year.
  • Every time you remember something, reward yourself with a whole banana cream pie. Mmm!
  • When struggling to recall something, place one of your palms on your forehead and close your eyes. If this doesn’t work, try placing your left hand on your chin and staring off into the distance.
  • Retire from the NFL.
  • Foods like blueberries and pistachios have been proven to enhance brain memory function and can be easily inserted through your ear directly into the temporal lobe.
  • Be sure to stretch out your brain regularly to increase flexibility and prevent injuries.
  • Memories are encoded in the brain when a pathway of neurons fires in synchrony often enough that the synaptic connections are strengthened and become permanently linked, so try to do that.
  • You no longer have any use for the Frasier theme song. Let it go to free up space.
  • It can be much easier to remember information when you use a mnemonic device, such as SLEAK JD 3MC to recall each of actor John Slattery’s TV appearances since 2000 or BosMa711 to remember John Slattery’s hometown and birth weight.
  • Proper nutrition is important for maintaining a robust memory, so make sure your diet includes the meat of highly intelligent animals, like orangutans and parrots, so that you can absorb their stored brainpower.

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