Tips For Improving Memory

Top Headlines

Recent News

Man Races Against Time To Take Out Trash Bag With Widening Puncture

RIO RANCHO, NM—His pace steadily quickening as he rounded the corner out of his kitchen and made a beeline for the front door, local man Henry Parnasse reportedly found himself locked in a race against time Wednesday morning to take out a trash bag with a widening hole in its side.

Tips For Traveling With Young Children

Family vacations can be a time for bonding and building lasting memories, but when young children are involved, trips can also be stressful to plan and execute. Here are The Onion’s tips for traveling with kids
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Business

Coworkers Pull Off Daring One-Hour Lunch Break

TUCSON, AZ—Saying they couldn’t believe such a wild exploit had even been attempted, employees at local marketing firm Synergy Media Services told reporters they were still completely dumbfounded Thursday after account manager Tim Gibbons managed to pull off a daring one-hour lunch break.

Preparedness

  • Doctors Recommend Getting 8 Centuries Of Cryosleep

    STANFORD, CA—Claiming that the practice is essential for effectively recharging the body and waking fully rested and alert, doctors at Stanford University issued a report Monday emphasizing the importance of getting at least eight centuries of atomi...

Tips For Improving Memory

Many people find themselves struggling to recall an acquaintance’s name or remember where they left an important item, like their keys or cell phone. Here are a few simple brain-boosting tips that will help you avoid these mental missteps and improve your memory:

  • Keep your brain active by learning one new fact every year.
  • Every time you remember something, reward yourself with a whole banana cream pie. Mmm!
  • When struggling to recall something, place one of your palms on your forehead and close your eyes. If this doesn’t work, try placing your left hand on your chin and staring off into the distance.
  • Retire from the NFL.
  • Foods like blueberries and pistachios have been proven to enhance brain memory function and can be easily inserted through your ear directly into the temporal lobe.
  • Be sure to stretch out your brain regularly to increase flexibility and prevent injuries.
  • Memories are encoded in the brain when a pathway of neurons fires in synchrony often enough that the synaptic connections are strengthened and become permanently linked, so try to do that.
  • You no longer have any use for the Frasier theme song. Let it go to free up space.
  • It can be much easier to remember information when you use a mnemonic device, such as SLEAK JD 3MC to recall each of actor John Slattery’s TV appearances since 2000 or BosMa711 to remember John Slattery’s hometown and birth weight.
  • Proper nutrition is important for maintaining a robust memory, so make sure your diet includes the meat of highly intelligent animals, like orangutans and parrots, so that you can absorb their stored brainpower.