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Weird, Area Woman Wasn't Harassed Today

Bewildered paralegal Caitlin Levy says that after returning home from work today, it occurred to her that, oddly, at no point during her day was she harassed, leered at, or made to feel humiliated or physically threatened.

How To Start A Community Garden

A community gardening project is a good way to spur neighborhood involvement, but it requires careful planning and logistics. Here are The Onion’s tips for starting a community garden:

Tips For Writing A Research Paper

Students at every level of the education system are required to write the occasional research paper, and some might wonder where to begin. The Onion provides some tips for writing a stellar paper:

Home Repair Tips

When projects need to be completed around the house, calling contractors can be expensive. Here are The Onion’s tips for do-it-yourself home repairs:

Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:

How To Throw The Perfect Surprise Party

A surprise party is a nice gesture for a friend or family member, but pulling one off requires careful planning and commitment. Here are The Onion’s tips for throwing a surprise party:
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Tips For Pulling An All-Nighter

Getting a good night’s sleep is imperative for good health, but once in a while it’s necessary to stay up all night to get work done. Here are The Onion’s tips for pulling an all-nighter:

  • Before you decide to pull an all-nighter, ask yourself if you can afford to put off your work another day, beg your boss for an extension, and pull an even more stressful all-nighter the following night.
  • Think of the thrill that will come from getting to display your Facebook status as, “All-nighter…Let’s do this!!”
  • Keep multiple tabs on your browser open for quicker access to any website you haven’t visited in the last five minutes.
  • Pulling an all-nighter requires energy and focus, so get a good seven or eight hours of sleep before you begin.
  • Just keep your goddamn eyes on the ridgeline and unload the 50-cal if you see any movement.
  • When you hit an important milestone, reward yourself by taking a quick break to watch six episodes of The Wire.
  • You’re going to be at this all night, so get comfortable! Put on some big warm pajamas, throw a few nice plush pillows on your bed, snuggle up in a comforter, and get to work.
  • Roll down the window, scream at the top of your lungs, and slap yourself in the face, because if this semi-trailer full of hogs isn’t delivered by 6 a.m., your ass is grass.
  • To achieve the best possible results, it’s best not to dwell on the fact that whatever you’re working on doesn’t really matter to anyone.
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