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Tips

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Choosing The Right Dog For You

Once you decide to get a dog, there’s a wide range of adoptable pets to choose from, whether it’s a mutt or purebred. The Onion offers some helpful tips for choosing the dog that’s right for you.

Choosing The Right School For Your Child

With a new school year beginning soon, parents are making decisions about which type of school best fits their child’s needs. The Onion breaks down what each has to offer.

The Onion’s Beach Bag Essentials

Each summer, Americans flock to the coasts to enjoy the sun and waves. Here are the beach bag must-haves you should never head to the shore without.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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Tips For Troubleshooting Your Computer

Even the most experienced user can run into error messages, software crashes, hardware malfunctions, and other issues with their computer. Here are some tips for keeping your machine running smoothly:

  • Unexplained crashes are a common problem with electronic devices. If your computer freezes, it never hurts to try to coax it into working again with a quick kiss.
  • Machines with older hardware may have trouble multitasking. When you’re running a lot of programs simultaneously, feed a cold-cut into the computer’s disc drive so it has the energy to keep going.
  • If your internet browser fails to connect, try clicking “help” for a list of completely useless suggestions that will land you back at square one.
  • Abruptly turn your computer off and on again so it knows who really holds the power.
  • Don’t be elderly.
  • Many sudden laptop shutdowns occur because of overheating. Submerge your laptop in a bucket of ice water every 10-15 minutes to prevent it from getting too hot.
  • If one thing’s for sure, it’s that the computer was not this slow before you used it, Andy. You need to remember that this is a family computer. If you want to download all that junk you need to save up and get your own.
  • When diagnosing what’s wrong with your computer, just remember this simple mnemonic device: Alice Ate Four Carrot Cakes, But Tom Had None.
  • If someone tells you to back up your files, it’s a trap. Don’t fall for it. They’re just after your files.
  • Never, ever triple-click.
  • Too little free disc space on your computer can slow it down and cause problems. If you run out of room, drag your trash bin into a copy of your trash bin, a paradox that will give you unlimited hard drive space.

More from this section

Choosing The Right School For Your Child

With a new school year beginning soon, parents are making decisions about which type of school best fits their child’s needs. The Onion breaks down what each has to offer.

The Onion’s Beach Bag Essentials

Each summer, Americans flock to the coasts to enjoy the sun and waves. Here are the beach bag must-haves you should never head to the shore without.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

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