adBlockCheck

Tips

How To Start A Community Garden

A community gardening project is a good way to spur neighborhood involvement, but it requires careful planning and logistics. Here are The Onion’s tips for starting a community garden:

Tips For Writing A Research Paper

Students at every level of the education system are required to write the occasional research paper, and some might wonder where to begin. The Onion provides some tips for writing a stellar paper:

Home Repair Tips

When projects need to be completed around the house, calling contractors can be expensive. Here are The Onion’s tips for do-it-yourself home repairs:

Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:

How To Throw The Perfect Surprise Party

A surprise party is a nice gesture for a friend or family member, but pulling one off requires careful planning and commitment. Here are The Onion’s tips for throwing a surprise party:
End Of Section
  • More News

Tips For Using Online Dating Sites

According to a national survey, 1 in 3 American couples married in the last decade met on the internet. Here are The Onion’s tips for finding love online:

  • It’s important to choose an interesting profile picture that reflects the “real you” persona that you’ve cooked up, like a photo of you hiking or at a volunteer event.
  • To stand out in a sea of suitors, include something in your profile completely unique to you, like your social security number and checking account information.
  • Put a Bible verse in your profile to show other men that you have a stifled, Puritanical sense of raw sexuality just waiting to be let out.
  • First impressions count. Before posting the photo of yourself pepper-spraying Occupy movement protesters, seriously consider if that is the image you want to project to the world.
  • Be willing to open yourself up to new experiences, like going on a series of terrible dates with men you despise.
  • Crafting the perfect online dating profile often requires a fresh pair of eyes. After you’re done making your profile, enlist some friends to look it over and lie about what they think.
  • Personal details give potential dates a more accurate picture of who you are. Be specific in your profile by mentioning the exact episode and scene that made you give up on Lost.
  • Listing a minimum height requirement is a great way to weed out tiny men who would have treated you like a queen.
  • Humor is a huge asset in any dating profile. Be charmingly self-deprecating with lines like “I have a soft spot for reality television” and “I’m a bad listener because I’m wrapped up in my own childish self-obsession and do nothing to improve myself.”
  • If your name is Thomas Riley, you can date other hot singles named Thomas Riley at ThomasRileyConnection.com.
  • Remember to relax and have fun! Sometimes, the moment you stop worrying about finding that perfect match is the moment you’ll open your email and find an absolutely vulgar and disgusting email from a complete stranger.
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Tips For Writing A Research Paper

Students at every level of the education system are required to write the occasional research paper, and some might wonder where to begin. The Onion provides some tips for writing a stellar paper:

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close
settings