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Tips

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Choosing The Right Dog For You

Once you decide to get a dog, there’s a wide range of adoptable pets to choose from, whether it’s a mutt or purebred. The Onion offers some helpful tips for choosing the dog that’s right for you.

Choosing The Right School For Your Child

With a new school year beginning soon, parents are making decisions about which type of school best fits their child’s needs. The Onion breaks down what each has to offer.

The Onion’s Beach Bag Essentials

Each summer, Americans flock to the coasts to enjoy the sun and waves. Here are the beach bag must-haves you should never head to the shore without.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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Tips For Hosting An Oscar Party

The 88th Academy Awards air Sunday, Feb. 28. Here are some tips for hosting an unforgettable Oscars watch party:

  • Compile a list of friends who are knowledgeable about film and make sure not to invite any of them.
  • Pass out ballots for everyone to fill out. Whoever has the most correct guesses at the end of the night gets installed as a board member of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.
  • Remember, it’s always safer to stick to prewritten material than risk any off-the-cuff banter with your guests.
  • As host, your job is to graciously defuse any violent tantrums when Oliver Tarney upsets Lon Bender for the Best Sound Editing award.
  • Make sure to say a few things about how shameful the Academy’s lack of diversity is so everyone knows you know about that.
  • Hide a camera in the bathroom just like real paparazzi.
  • Be sure to congratulate any Oscar nominees at your party whether they win or not.
  • Ultimately, as with any party, the most important thing is to give everyone a chance to sit back, relax, and watch far more attractive and successful people have the night of their lives.

More from this section

Choosing The Right School For Your Child

With a new school year beginning soon, parents are making decisions about which type of school best fits their child’s needs. The Onion breaks down what each has to offer.

The Onion’s Beach Bag Essentials

Each summer, Americans flock to the coasts to enjoy the sun and waves. Here are the beach bag must-haves you should never head to the shore without.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

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