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Tips

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Choosing The Right Dog For You

Once you decide to get a dog, there’s a wide range of adoptable pets to choose from, whether it’s a mutt or purebred. The Onion offers some helpful tips for choosing the dog that’s right for you.

Choosing The Right School For Your Child

With a new school year beginning soon, parents are making decisions about which type of school best fits their child’s needs. The Onion breaks down what each has to offer.

The Onion’s Beach Bag Essentials

Each summer, Americans flock to the coasts to enjoy the sun and waves. Here are the beach bag must-haves you should never head to the shore without.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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Tips For Last-Minute Test Cramming

With the academic year winding down at grade schools and colleges across the country, students are buckling down and trying to maximize their study time before taking final exams. Here are some helpful tips as you cram for a test:

  • Before you begin, make sure to thoroughly clean your sensory deprivation study pod.
  • As you prepare to review test material, forming a study group is a great way to enlist the help of other students just as hopelessly lost as you are.
  • Mnemonic devices are proven to be great study aids. Create memorable little rhymes to help retain pertinent information without the burden of context.
  • Drop in on your professor’s office hours to remind them the student union is named after your mother.
  • Prepare yourself for likely answers by writing “A,” “B,” “C,” and “D” on flash cards.
  • Design as realistic a workload for yourself as possible. Map out a study week plan to more effectively manage your nervous breakdown.
  • Always select the energy drink can with the most flames.
  • Visualization is a great way to remember key concepts, so try picturing how fucked you’re going to be if you forget how the Hegelian dialectic works.
  • Highlight every line of text.
  • Education experts agree that cramming the night before a big test is substantially less effective than gradually absorbing the necessary knowledge in the weeks and months leading up to the exam. Hopefully that helps.
  • Just do your best, and remember that you’ve had more opportunities, privilege, and support than anyone in your family’s history.



More from this section

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Choosing The Right Dog For You

Once you decide to get a dog, there’s a wide range of adoptable pets to choose from, whether it’s a mutt or purebred. The Onion offers some helpful tips for choosing the dog that’s right for you.

Choosing The Right School For Your Child

With a new school year beginning soon, parents are making decisions about which type of school best fits their child’s needs. The Onion breaks down what each has to offer.

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