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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Top 2011 College Football Matchups

Another great college season is upon us, and Onion Sports analysts have made their picks for the year’s most thrilling games.

  • Nebraska at Wisconsin, Oct. 1: The Huskers will be welcomed into the Big Ten with some hard-nosed defense and a small slice of Angel food cake
  • Wisconsin at Ohio State, Oct. 29: Sure to be a good game, possibly for Big Ten superiority but almost certainly to determine which of these two teams will eventually get its ass kicked in a bowl game by a mid-ranked SEC team
  • LSU at Alabama, Nov. 5: This matchup could decide which team goes to the national title game, or maybe they will both lose all their games before this, or maybe we will all get a deadly flu virus and die
  • Texas at Texas A&M, Nov. 24: Heralded Texas schools make yet another attempt at breaking the record for most Garretts on a field at once
  • Alabama at Auburn, Nov. 26: Latest chapter in storied 118-year-old rivalry will settle once and for all which team is the winner of this year's game
  • Southern at Grambling State, Nov. 26: These teams seem to play every year, though you have no idea which division they’re in, why they're on TV, or why you're watching the entire game and actually rooting for one of them
  • Ohio State at Michigan, Nov. 26: The greatest rivalry in all of college football will look like total shit again this year

More from this section

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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