adBlockCheck

Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
End Of Section
  • More News

Top 2011 College Football Matchups

Another great college season is upon us, and Onion Sports analysts have made their picks for the year’s most thrilling games.

  • Nebraska at Wisconsin, Oct. 1: The Huskers will be welcomed into the Big Ten with some hard-nosed defense and a small slice of Angel food cake
  • Wisconsin at Ohio State, Oct. 29: Sure to be a good game, possibly for Big Ten superiority but almost certainly to determine which of these two teams will eventually get its ass kicked in a bowl game by a mid-ranked SEC team
  • LSU at Alabama, Nov. 5: This matchup could decide which team goes to the national title game, or maybe they will both lose all their games before this, or maybe we will all get a deadly flu virus and die
  • Texas at Texas A&M, Nov. 24: Heralded Texas schools make yet another attempt at breaking the record for most Garretts on a field at once
  • Alabama at Auburn, Nov. 26: Latest chapter in storied 118-year-old rivalry will settle once and for all which team is the winner of this year's game
  • Southern at Grambling State, Nov. 26: These teams seem to play every year, though you have no idea which division they’re in, why they're on TV, or why you're watching the entire game and actually rooting for one of them
  • Ohio State at Michigan, Nov. 26: The greatest rivalry in all of college football will look like total shit again this year

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close