ODESSA, TX–A saltless "Superpretzel" is still hanging alone in a bulb-heated rack at Horizon Lanes, officials for the Odessa-area bowling alley reported Tuesday. "Looks like there's just one left," said Mack Klausner, snack-bar manager for the 12-lane alley. "Guess nobody wants the one without salt." The oversized soft pretzel, priced at 99 cents, has been rotating in the glass-enclosed case since Sept. 2, when it was sprayed with water and dipped in salt along with 17 other pretzels. "All the salt fell off," Klausner said. "Maybe we should put some more on.
NEW YORK–In its latest issue, People magazine, a Time Warner subsidiary publication, strongly urged readers to see Deadlock, a new Warner Bros. legal thriller starring Denzel Washington, Gene Hackman and Elisabeth Shue. "Our parent corporation has cooked up an edge-of-your-seat courtroom nail-biter that manages to out-Grisham Grisham," People's review read. "We are proud to be under the same umbrella conglomerate as this gripping roller-coaster ride of a movie." The issue, which features Washington on its cover, also contains reviews of six new albums from Time Warner subsidiary-label artists, including Better Than Ezra (Elektra) and Hootie & The Blowfish (Atlantic), as well as a profile of Katie Holmes, star of WB's Dawson's Creek.
SHREVEPORT, LA–Jordan Farmer, 22, boyfriend of Mindy Hodges, 20, is significantly nicer before sex, Hodges reported Monday. "Before we have sex, he's always really sweet to me, and he, like, tells me my hair looks nice and stuff. And if I'm upset about something, he listens and tells me that he loves me and that everything's going to be all right," Hodges said. "But then, afterwards, he stops listening to me, and he screams at me and says he's going to break up with me if I don't stop being so clingy and annoying." Hodges has vowed to make an effort to be less clingy and annoying.
STAUNTON, VA–Coroners are listing "massive wicker trauma" as the official cause in Monday's death of 420-pound Staunton resident Tony Grushecky. "Forensic evidence indicates that the base of the chair in which Mr. Grushecky sat gave out at 5 p.m. Monday, with the collapse driving razor-sharp wicker spears upwards of two feet into his morbidly obese body," Augusta County Coroner Edward Reynoso told reporters. "In my 22 years as coroner here, I've never seen such a brutal wicker-chair impaling." Grushecky's enormous rolls of body fat were insufficient to protect him from the deadly spears, Reynoso said, and numerous vital organs were irreparably wickered.
NEW YORK–Anxious over wildly fluctuating conditions in the worldwide Beanie market, Manhattan-based Beanie broker Michelle Pivarnik is strongly urging U.S. storkholders to sell off holdings of "Storky The Stork" as soon as possible, it was reported Tuesday. "It is my opinion that Storky, which rose 40 cents on the Beanie Board Monday to close at $85 with the tags, has reached its peak value, and that a stork-market crash is all but imminent," Pivarnik said. "Beanie investors with a stork portfolio of five or more Storkys may want to consider keeping one in case of its unexpected retirement, but, by and large, Storky should be regarded as a high-risk Beanie to be avoided in future tradings." Pivarnik advised storkholders to redirect their assets into blue-chip Beanies like Tabasco The Red Bull, Baldy The Eagle and Inky The Octopus.
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox
8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC
Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!
MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...
SUNNYVALE, CA—Calling it a major breakthrough in interpreting natural linguistic patterns, technology company Voxil announced the release Thursday of a sophisticated new speech recognition program that factors in users’ mouths always being ful...