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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Top Movies Of 2012

  • Men In Black 3: The third installment in the popular franchise answers the question “What would happen if there was a third Men In Black movie?”
  • What To Expect When You’re Expecting: Cameron Diaz discovers the cat feces responsible for her toxoplasmosis
  • The Grey: Liam Neeson will stop at nothing to survive in his latest movie where he does that
  • Zero Dark Thirty: This critically acclaimed movie was stuck in development for more than a decade until the military could kill or capture Osama bin Laden
  • Gravitas: Sir Ian McKellen gravely intones about a dark wind coming while riding on horseback for 112 minutes
  • Ted: Seth McFarlane’s debut feature earned the highest possible rating of five stars from the National Brothers-In-Law Motion Picture Review Board
  • Molly Ogden’s 1989 Kindergarten Choir Performance In 3D: The 14-minute camcorder classic, which features a disinterested young Molly yawning her way through Peabody Elementary’s Winter Concert, wowed audiences nationwide in eye-popping IMAX 3D
  • The Amazing Spider-Man: A movie that was released between The Avengers and The Dark Knight Rises

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