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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:
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Top Movies Of 2012

  • Men In Black 3: The third installment in the popular franchise answers the question “What would happen if there was a third Men In Black movie?”
  • What To Expect When You’re Expecting: Cameron Diaz discovers the cat feces responsible for her toxoplasmosis
  • The Grey: Liam Neeson will stop at nothing to survive in his latest movie where he does that
  • Zero Dark Thirty: This critically acclaimed movie was stuck in development for more than a decade until the military could kill or capture Osama bin Laden
  • Gravitas: Sir Ian McKellen gravely intones about a dark wind coming while riding on horseback for 112 minutes
  • Ted: Seth McFarlane’s debut feature earned the highest possible rating of five stars from the National Brothers-In-Law Motion Picture Review Board
  • Molly Ogden’s 1989 Kindergarten Choir Performance In 3D: The 14-minute camcorder classic, which features a disinterested young Molly yawning her way through Peabody Elementary’s Winter Concert, wowed audiences nationwide in eye-popping IMAX 3D
  • The Amazing Spider-Man: A movie that was released between The Avengers and The Dark Knight Rises

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