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A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Family Sadly Marks First 4/20 Without Grandmother

ALBANY, NY—Reminiscing about the departed matriarch while partaking in the annual festivities, members of the Osterman family sadly marked their first 4/20 since the passing of their grandmother, sources reported Thursday.

Report: Store Out Of Good Kind

UTICA, NY—Unable to locate them on their usual shelf, local man George Rambart, 41, reported Thursday that the store was out of the good kind.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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Top Tech Gadgets Of 2013

  • Chromecast: Allowing you to sync your computer’s Hulu and Netflix account to your TV’s TiVo and Roku Plus boxes without the need of HDMI or... Jesus, is this what life has come to? When did things get like this? Why are we doing this to ourselves?
  • Shiny Black: Shiny black was everywhere in the tech world this year, edging out leading technologies like shiny white, shiny silver, matte black, matte white, and matte silver.
  • MakerBot 3D Printer: Allowing users to create three-dimensional versions of virtually any shape right in their own homes, 3D printers were universally recognized as the 12th easiest way for Americans to acquire guns without a license.
  • Jambox: Despite its impressive sound quality and sleek design, many consumers have complained about the fact that this all-in-one speaker is only capable of playing the Rod Stewart album Foolish Behaviour.
  • Room Of Servers: Tech competitors just didn’t have an answer for this giant room filled with 700 servers stacked on top of one another.
  • Single Pixel: Tech users flocked to this single physical point of light capable of displaying red, blue, or green.
  • Samsung Galaxy S4, iPhone 5, Moto X: All of these phones allow users to send and receive phone calls. They work fine.
  • ‘Tootsie’ On Blu-Ray: The crisp imagery of this 1983 Oscar winner must be seen to be believed. Like being on set!

More from this section

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Family Sadly Marks First 4/20 Without Grandmother

ALBANY, NY—Reminiscing about the departed matriarch while partaking in the annual festivities, members of the Osterman family sadly marked their first 4/20 since the passing of their grandmother, sources reported Thursday.

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