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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Top Tech Gadgets Of 2013

  • Chromecast: Allowing you to sync your computer’s Hulu and Netflix account to your TV’s TiVo and Roku Plus boxes without the need of HDMI or... Jesus, is this what life has come to? When did things get like this? Why are we doing this to ourselves?
  • Shiny Black: Shiny black was everywhere in the tech world this year, edging out leading technologies like shiny white, shiny silver, matte black, matte white, and matte silver.
  • MakerBot 3D Printer: Allowing users to create three-dimensional versions of virtually any shape right in their own homes, 3D printers were universally recognized as the 12th easiest way for Americans to acquire guns without a license.
  • Jambox: Despite its impressive sound quality and sleek design, many consumers have complained about the fact that this all-in-one speaker is only capable of playing the Rod Stewart album Foolish Behaviour.
  • Room Of Servers: Tech competitors just didn’t have an answer for this giant room filled with 700 servers stacked on top of one another.
  • Single Pixel: Tech users flocked to this single physical point of light capable of displaying red, blue, or green.
  • Samsung Galaxy S4, iPhone 5, Moto X: All of these phones allow users to send and receive phone calls. They work fine.
  • ‘Tootsie’ On Blu-Ray: The crisp imagery of this 1983 Oscar winner must be seen to be believed. Like being on set!

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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

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