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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Top TV Shows Of 2012

  • The Big Bang Theory: This sitcom about a group of scientist friends earned strong ratings as Americans were way too lazy to change the channel every single time it came on TV
  • Breaking Bad: Viewers couldn’t get enough of Walter’s wacky antics, be it disposing of a rival’s body in a vat of acid, or disposing of a little kid’s body in a vat of acid
  • Girls: Viewers thought they wouldn’t like this comedy about young women in New York, and then kind of got into it, and then felt the characters were too whiny, and then watched the whole season
  • The Office: Everyone got a lot more work done without Michael Scott mucking things up
  • Dexter: Was still on TV this season
  • American Shitheads: Viewers were captivated by this TLC reality series that follows people almost identical to themselves
  • Treme: Oh, what about Treme? Did anybody watch Treme?
  • Boardwalk Empire: Egh, not really one of the top TV shows

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