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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Top TV Shows Of 2013

  • Mad Men: The sixth season once again defied those who said a period piece featuring attractive, stately men in warmly lit rooms could never succeed.
  • Breaking Bad: A triumphant final season of television that isn’t anywhere close to the engrossing, magical world of books.
  • Homeland: While viewers were excited to watch the third season, most agreed the show was somewhat cheapened by its reliance on dramatizing the nation’s weekly massive terrorist attacks.
  • Gunsmoke: For the 58th straight year, Gunsmoke was the hottest show on television.
  • House Of Cards: At the end of the day, there are only two types of television shows: those that chase and those that are chased. At first blush, this coonhound appears to be something of a chaser. But only time can tell if our little doggie will end up running with the big boys…or falling behind the pack.
  • Piven: The charming half-hour sitcom starring Jeremy Piven enjoyed a loyal and passionate cult following, but was unfortunately cancelled by NBC after its fifth season.
  • Phineas & Ferb: Disney Channel’s first animated show featuring transgender characters.
  • Dexter: Fans of the long-running Showtime drama got the ending they deserved.
  • Onion News Empire: Fans flocked to this Amazon original series—a behind-the-scenes look at The Onion—by the billions, making it the highest-rated pilot of all time.
  • House Of Lies: A show.

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