adBlockCheck

Recent News

How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
End Of Section
  • More News

Top Wedding Trends For 2014

As the 2014 wedding season gets underway this month, thousands of couples across the country are preparing to tie the knot in memorable and carefully customized ceremonies. Here are the most popular trends you can expect to see at weddings this summer:

  • Bride walked down aisle by Bill Paxton
  • Incorporating elements of nature into decor, such as twigs, rustic tree stumps, and enraged buffalo
  • Flower girls leashed
  • Destination weddings at courthouses in neighboring counties
  • Groomsmen in identical gorilla masks
  • Complimentary peanuts with shells you can just toss on floor
  • Vintage bullshit
  • Piling raw meat on center of dance floor and sounding a siren to signal feeding time
  • Table number written on back of live scorpion
  • Reception held in working foundry
  • Uncle Gary staring at bridesmaid’s ass

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close