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Toughness in Sports

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NFL Vows To Fix Bottomless Pit On Levi’s Stadium Field Before Super Bowl

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following persistent safety concerns regarding the playing surface throughout the regular season, the NFL made firm assurances Friday to both the Denver Broncos and Carolina Panthers that the bottomless pit in the middle of the field at Levi’s Stadium will be fully repaired before Super Bowl 50.

Area Man Would Hate Cam Newton Even If He Was Different Minority

MURRAY, KY—Adamantly stressing that his disdain for the 26-year-old quarterback is not based on any racial prejudice toward African Americans, local 49-year-old Michael Willet told reporters Friday that he would hate Cam Newton even if the Carolina Panthers star was a different minority.

Monocle-Wearing Oil Baron’s Cigarette Holder Splinters In Clenched Teeth After Hearing Bernie Sanders’ Environmental Platform

GREENWICH, CT—Leaving him visibly seething as he sat in his tufted leather wingback chair in his study, monocle-wearing oil baron Frederick Porter Harriman’s ivory-inlaid cigarette holder reportedly splintered between his clenched teeth upon him hearing presidential candidate Bernie Sanders outline his environmental platform during Thursday night’s Democratic debate.

Driving Vs. Public Transportation

Weighing factors such as convenience, time commitment, and environmental impact, deciding whether to commute via car or public transit can be difficult. Here is a side-by-side comparison of the two options
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Toughness in Sports

Jay Cutler's supposed lack of toughness has people discussing the gutsiest performances in sports. Here are the ones we'll always remember:

  • Kirk Gibson: The Dodgers outfielder overcame a stomach virus and two injured legs to successfully stand in one place, swing a 32-ounce stick from one shoulder to the other, and then jog 360 feet
  • Jay Cutler: Was going to get paid a hell of a lot either way on Sunday, right?
  • Tony Romo: Without telling his coaches, played through a mosquito bite he received the night before a game in 2009
  • Willis Reed: Truly embodying what New York sports is all about, the media completely clings to one photogenic star's marginally inspiring decision to play on a torn thigh muscle and ignores the fact that he only scored four points
  • Curt Schilling: With blood seeping through his sock, we forget how the rest of this whole Schilling-media jerk-off session played out
  • Ronnie Lott: Bit off his own mangled finger in order to keep playing; later in the season, dislocated his neck while trying to bite off whatever was causing his migraines
  • Daniel Snyder: The Redskins' plucky owner once overcame a bout with the flu to dump money hand over fist onto some fat old player
  • Dale Earnhardt: Drove his car into a wall and died, like a badass

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