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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Tuition In Tough Times

With the economic downturn hitting scholarship funds, how are students paying for college?

  • Critiquing Foucault's Discipline And Punish on street corner for spare change
  • Selling advertising space in thesis
  • Stripping for tuition and books; prostitution for a little walking-around money
  • Taking 54 credits' worth of classes in the first semester to graduate early
  • Saving $35,000 a year by transferring to a perfectly fine state school in the place you grew up in and swore you'd never go back to
  • Refinancing parents' home behind their backs
  • Increasingly humiliating television appearances
  • Getting a job during the summer, one that pays money
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