Unclear Whether Grandpa Having Good Time

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Alcohol-Themed Party A Success

OMAHA, NE—Claiming that his expectations for the unique social gathering had been met and even surpassed, local man Ryan Sandstrom, 25, told reporters Friday that his recent alcohol-themed party turned out to be a rousing success.

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Pregame Foolishly Squandered On Actually Planning Out Evening

ATHENS, GA—Admitting they had become so swept up in logistics that they had failed to get a start on the night's revelry, a local group of friends told reporters Friday they had foolishly squandered their entire pregame by actually planning out the ...

Liquor’s Neon Coloring Likely Good Measure Of Its Excellence

URBANA, IL—Having located a particularly enticing varietal after several minutes of meticulous perusal, local woman Evie Crane, 23, told reporters Friday that the vividness and intensity of the alcoholic beverage’s neon coloring was surely a s...

Man Always Taking Good Mood Out On Friends

NORFOLK, VA—Saying how difficult it is to be around him when he’s unable to get a handle on his emotions, frustrated friends of local man James Melrose complained Tuesday that the 26-year-old is constantly taking his good mood out on them.

Man Has No Idea What To Do With Good Mood

FRANKLIN, WI—Weighing various options for how to proceed given the unexpectedness of the situation, local 33-year-old Trevor Clifford was reportedly at a complete loss as to what he should do Monday after suddenly finding himself in a good mood.

Facebook Version Of Marriage Going Great

SAN JOSE, CA—Citing the numerous photos and status updates that the couple regularly post online, sources confirmed Wednesday that the Facebook version of Annie and Colin Wheeler’s eight-year marriage is going extremely well. Several of the Wh...

250-Pound Man Sadly In Best Shape Of His Life

ORLANDO, FL—Stating that he has shed nearly 10 percent of his body weight this year and is now down to 250 pounds, local 36-year-old Michael Peters sadly revealed Monday that he is in the best shape of his life.
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Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Technology

Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

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