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Unfair Technological Advantages In Sports

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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
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Unfair Technological Advantages In Sports

Michael Phelps struggled recently against competitors in high-tech swimsuits, but it was hardly the first time superior equipment gave someone an edge:

1903: Maurice Garin easily wins the first Tour de France after adding a front tire to his unicycle

1915: The Yankees' new navy-blue pin-striped uniforms not only give a slim-downed appearance to the players, but also boost the team's self-esteem, giving it the confidence to throw, hit, and field the ball

1923: The Calgary Tigers introduce the puck to hockey and nearly double their scoring output

1924:With the introduction of the "diving board" and its advanced spring action, divers no longer have to jump 25 feet into the air before performing their dives

1955: The batting helmet makes it nearly impossible for pitchers to kill batters with fastballs to the skull

1995: Charlotte Hornets Starter jackets ultimately make it way too easy for individuals to look good

1999: The Louisville Slugger company swears it has discovered a tree made out of aluminum

2001: Dale Earnhardt's unique open-faced helmet allows him to arrive in heaven long before drivers wearing the full-coverage models

2002:† LaDainian Tomlinson's visor becomes the No. 1 cause of injuries to fingers as defenders attempt to gouge or poke out the running back's eyes

2002: Oakland A's GM Billy Beane uses something called a 'computer' to track and analyze his players' production instead of playing the game the way it oughta be played

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