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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Unfair Technological Advantages In Sports

Michael Phelps struggled recently against competitors in high-tech swimsuits, but it was hardly the first time superior equipment gave someone an edge:

1903: Maurice Garin easily wins the first Tour de France after adding a front tire to his unicycle

1915: The Yankees' new navy-blue pin-striped uniforms not only give a slim-downed appearance to the players, but also boost the team's self-esteem, giving it the confidence to throw, hit, and field the ball

1923: The Calgary Tigers introduce the puck to hockey and nearly double their scoring output

1924:With the introduction of the "diving board" and its advanced spring action, divers no longer have to jump 25 feet into the air before performing their dives

1955: The batting helmet makes it nearly impossible for pitchers to kill batters with fastballs to the skull

1995: Charlotte Hornets Starter jackets ultimately make it way too easy for individuals to look good

1999: The Louisville Slugger company swears it has discovered a tree made out of aluminum

2001: Dale Earnhardt's unique open-faced helmet allows him to arrive in heaven long before drivers wearing the full-coverage models

2002:† LaDainian Tomlinson's visor becomes the No. 1 cause of injuries to fingers as defenders attempt to gouge or poke out the running back's eyes

2002: Oakland A's GM Billy Beane uses something called a 'computer' to track and analyze his players' production instead of playing the game the way it oughta be played

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