adBlockCheck

Recent News

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
End Of Section
  • More News

Universal Options Hasbro

Universal Studios signed a six-year, four-picture deal with Hasbro that will dip into the popular toy manufacturer's game catalog to produce movie adaptations. Here are the plots of some of the games that are being developed right now:

Battleship: Terrorists threaten to destroy the entire U.S. naval fleet after stealing the top-secret coordinates when a foolish admiral gets up to go to the bathroom.

Operation: A drunken transient is kidnapped and subjected to torturous medical experiments that include injecting live butterflies into his gastrointestinal tract.

Hungry Hungry Hippos: A team of ivory-white explorers travels to Zambia to document rumors of ravenous flesh-eating hippos. Running time: four seconds.

Jenga: Paul Jenga, a struggling building contractor, skimps on stability and safety precautions to build the ultimate skyscraper for a wealthy investor.

Yahtzee: Teens in a small town summon a monster by shouting "Yahtzee!" three times. Can they roll five sixes to trap it in time?

Connect Four: After years of dealing with infidelity and divorce, four African-American women meet up to discuss their lives and the bumps along the way.

Trouble: Citizens of a dystopian future engage in deadly combat dictated by the almighty and vengeful Pop-O-Matic Bubble in the center of town.

Barrel Of Monkeys: A Beverly Hills matriarch's antique-barrel auction win turns the house upside down as 12 interconnected, incontinent monkeys wreak havoc!

More from this section

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close