Unreported News Stories Of 2006

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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Area Man

This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

Unreported News Stories Of 2006

The Onion ranks the year's most important news items that never made it to the front page:

Feb. 27: Iran gets universal health care

March 19: A dog and a cat coexist peacefully in same bookstore

April 14: Ashlee Simpson claims four dependents on tax returns

April 22: Rupert Murdoch retreats to opulent estate after failure of personally financed opera starring his untrained wife

Aug. 9: Small, boring genocide of only about 23,000 Africans

Oct. 12: New law exempts owners of boats over 30 feet from paying taxes