Unreported News Stories Of 2006

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‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
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Unreported News Stories Of 2006

The Onion ranks the year's most important news items that never made it to the front page:

Feb. 27: Iran gets universal health care

March 19: A dog and a cat coexist peacefully in same bookstore

April 14: Ashlee Simpson claims four dependents on tax returns

April 22: Rupert Murdoch retreats to opulent estate after failure of personally financed opera starring his untrained wife

Aug. 9: Small, boring genocide of only about 23,000 Africans

Oct. 12: New law exempts owners of boats over 30 feet from paying taxes

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