Unreported News Stories Of 2006

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Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Where Your Political Donation Goes

With over $1 billion spent in the 2016 presidential race alone, campaign donations continue to cause much controversy and even confusion for their role in shaping politics. Here is a step-by-step guide to how the average American’s political donation travels through a campaign

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.
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Unreported News Stories Of 2006

The Onion ranks the year's most important news items that never made it to the front page:

Feb. 27: Iran gets universal health care

March 19: A dog and a cat coexist peacefully in same bookstore

April 14: Ashlee Simpson claims four dependents on tax returns

April 22: Rupert Murdoch retreats to opulent estate after failure of personally financed opera starring his untrained wife

Aug. 9: Small, boring genocide of only about 23,000 Africans

Oct. 12: New law exempts owners of boats over 30 feet from paying taxes


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