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Unusual Sports Injuries

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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
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Unusual Sports Injuries

In light of the knee injury Padres outfielder Milton Bradley suffered while arguing with an umpire, Onion Sports presents a catalog of some of the more bizarre injuries in sports:

1973: Terry Bradshaw suffers a severe migraine while trying to remember the names of his wide receivers

1982: Muhammad Ali sustains severe cranial and neurological damage after volunteering to be hit in the head hundreds of thousands of times

1990: Tigers first baseman Cecil Fielder rips off his hand while trying to remove his first baseman's mitt

1991: Rookie centerfielder Bernie Williams has a heart attack the first time a major league ball is hit towards him

1998: Wrestler Mankind apparently suffers a debilitating neck injury, even though replay after replay suggests that, while enduring the Undertaker's Tombstone Piledriver, Mankind's head never even comes close to touching the ground

1999: Davis Love III breaks both legs when, in an effort to take a shorter route to his ball, he attempts to jump a narrow stream with his golf cart

2003: Cardinals kicker Bill Gramatica (below) tears his ACL while celebrating the 44-yard halftime field goal that won him a Toyota Corolla

2005: Giants backup quarterback Jared Lorenzen suffers a season-ending injury when the bench he's sleeping on collapses

2006: Jets quarterback Chad Pennington injures himself while idly trying to see how far his arm can bend this way

2007: During a halftime ceremony honoring the great but concussion-shortened career of former New York Jets wide receiver Wayne Chrebet, the crowd cheers loudly enough to give Chrebet yet another concussion

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