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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Unusual Sports Injuries

In light of the knee injury Padres outfielder Milton Bradley suffered while arguing with an umpire, Onion Sports presents a catalog of some of the more bizarre injuries in sports:

1973: Terry Bradshaw suffers a severe migraine while trying to remember the names of his wide receivers

1982: Muhammad Ali sustains severe cranial and neurological damage after volunteering to be hit in the head hundreds of thousands of times

1990: Tigers first baseman Cecil Fielder rips off his hand while trying to remove his first baseman's mitt

1991: Rookie centerfielder Bernie Williams has a heart attack the first time a major league ball is hit towards him

1998: Wrestler Mankind apparently suffers a debilitating neck injury, even though replay after replay suggests that, while enduring the Undertaker's Tombstone Piledriver, Mankind's head never even comes close to touching the ground

1999: Davis Love III breaks both legs when, in an effort to take a shorter route to his ball, he attempts to jump a narrow stream with his golf cart

2003: Cardinals kicker Bill Gramatica (below) tears his ACL while celebrating the 44-yard halftime field goal that won him a Toyota Corolla

2005: Giants backup quarterback Jared Lorenzen suffers a season-ending injury when the bench he's sleeping on collapses

2006: Jets quarterback Chad Pennington injures himself while idly trying to see how far his arm can bend this way

2007: During a halftime ceremony honoring the great but concussion-shortened career of former New York Jets wide receiver Wayne Chrebet, the crowd cheers loudly enough to give Chrebet yet another concussion

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