Unwritten Rules Of Baseball

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Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.
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Unwritten Rules Of Baseball

Baseball is a sport rich in tradition, and many of its most sacred rules and practices are passed from player to player. Onion Sports lists the most revered of baseball's unwritten rules:

  • Never go underneath the catcher's legs when entering the batter's box
  • A manager should be detached from the players and never once talk to or acknowledge them during the regular season
  • When a ball is hit directly up into the sky, it is customary to locate yourself beneath the downward trajectory of the ball and attempt to have it land in your glove
  • Speaking about a perfect game or no-hitter in progress is strictly forbidden; instead, gesture wildly at the scoreboard so your pitcher knows what's at stake
  • Many find it surprising, but there is no rule stating you have to wear a helmet while batting—baseball players are just superstitious
  • Secret of the infield fly rule must be kept from outsiders
  • It's bad luck to speak with a pitcher who is in the middle of his windup
  • If a batter hits a home run, the pitcher is allowed to pelt him with baseballs for the rest of his life
  • In a bench-clearing brawl, do not punch the batboy unless you are an opposing batboy or down more than 10 runs


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