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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Upcoming Athlete Biopics

Hollywood is still obsessed with sports, as these life stories of athletes now in production demonstrate.

  • Belichick On Belichick—In this rare, intimate look inside the mind of one of football's most enigmatic coaches, Bill Belichick stares unblinking at the camera lens for 210 minutes. Music by Diplo
  • Grand-Slammed—Günter Parche is a German tennis fanatic whose love for the sport is so intense that people want to hold him back. Follow the journey of one man's conquest over those who try to prevent him from stabbing Monica Seles
  • Dude, Where's My Medal?—The classic athlete biopic gets the buddy-comedy treatment as Michael Phelps and Tim Lincecum pair up in search of a gold medal Phelps lost after a night they'll never forget—if only they could remember it!
  • For What It's Werth—The story of outfielder Jayson Werth comes to life for no reason other than that some industry executive thought of the title
  • Always On The Outside—Director James Mangold desperately tries to paint Mark Price as an outsider and relate that to shooting three-pointers
  • Admiral Of The Air—David Robinson's life story is reworked for Christian Laettner after Robinson drops out of the project for personal reasons
  • Harper—Film about former shooting guard Ron Harper that suggests it was Harper, not Michael Jordan, who led the Bulls to six NBA titles, quit basketball to play baseball, and clutched the championship trophy while crying about his dead father
  • Making The Babe—This prequel to the 1992 film about Babe Ruth follows the lives of Kate Schamberger-Ruth and George Herman Ruth, Sr. as they decide whether or not to have children
  • West Meets East—Tells the story of Jerry West's secret 20-year leadership of the Hong Kong crime organization the Triads, and how he juggled that role with a professional basketball career

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