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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
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Up Next

Upcoming Athlete Biopics

Hollywood is still obsessed with sports, as these life stories of athletes now in production demonstrate.

  • Belichick On Belichick—In this rare, intimate look inside the mind of one of football's most enigmatic coaches, Bill Belichick stares unblinking at the camera lens for 210 minutes. Music by Diplo
  • Grand-Slammed—Günter Parche is a German tennis fanatic whose love for the sport is so intense that people want to hold him back. Follow the journey of one man's conquest over those who try to prevent him from stabbing Monica Seles
  • Dude, Where's My Medal?—The classic athlete biopic gets the buddy-comedy treatment as Michael Phelps and Tim Lincecum pair up in search of a gold medal Phelps lost after a night they'll never forget—if only they could remember it!
  • For What It's Werth—The story of outfielder Jayson Werth comes to life for no reason other than that some industry executive thought of the title
  • Always On The Outside—Director James Mangold desperately tries to paint Mark Price as an outsider and relate that to shooting three-pointers
  • Admiral Of The Air—David Robinson's life story is reworked for Christian Laettner after Robinson drops out of the project for personal reasons
  • Harper—Film about former shooting guard Ron Harper that suggests it was Harper, not Michael Jordan, who led the Bulls to six NBA titles, quit basketball to play baseball, and clutched the championship trophy while crying about his dead father
  • Making The Babe—This prequel to the 1992 film about Babe Ruth follows the lives of Kate Schamberger-Ruth and George Herman Ruth, Sr. as they decide whether or not to have children
  • West Meets East—Tells the story of Jerry West's secret 20-year leadership of the Hong Kong crime organization the Triads, and how he juggled that role with a professional basketball career

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