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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.
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U.S. Ends Combat Operations In Iraq

Last week, the U.S. occupation of Iraq officially ceased being a combat mission as the military entered the stability phase of its operations. Here are some of the major victories of the seven-and-a-half-year war:

  • Oct. 11, 2002: In the most crucial victory of the campaign, the Bush administration wins enough congressional votes to authorize war
  • Apr. 12, 2003: Statue of Iraqi track star Taffar Al Saffar toppled in front of Mosul Boys & Girls Club
  • Nov. 27, 2003: President Bush absentmindedly gnaws at prop Thanksgiving turkey while watching The New Three Stooges cartoon on portable DVD player
  • Oct. 17, 2004: Anger over the invasion and daily bombings spurs the creation of al-Qaeda in Iraq, finally producing the enemy we need to justify the war
  • Nov. 7, 2004: The second, and best, Battle of Fallujah begins
  • Nov. 11, 2006: A drone aircraft armed with Hellfire missiles foils a carefully orchestrated plan to wed Hakim Jassar al-Rawi and Sanaa Haydar
  • Dec. 30, 2006: Iraqi officials execute the most convincing of Saddam Hussein's look-alikes
  • May. 2007: 121 U.S. troops die, which is way less than 500

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