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Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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U.S. Ends Combat Operations In Iraq

Last week, the U.S. occupation of Iraq officially ceased being a combat mission as the military entered the stability phase of its operations. Here are some of the major victories of the seven-and-a-half-year war:

  • Oct. 11, 2002: In the most crucial victory of the campaign, the Bush administration wins enough congressional votes to authorize war
  • Apr. 12, 2003: Statue of Iraqi track star Taffar Al Saffar toppled in front of Mosul Boys & Girls Club
  • Nov. 27, 2003: President Bush absentmindedly gnaws at prop Thanksgiving turkey while watching The New Three Stooges cartoon on portable DVD player
  • Oct. 17, 2004: Anger over the invasion and daily bombings spurs the creation of al-Qaeda in Iraq, finally producing the enemy we need to justify the war
  • Nov. 7, 2004: The second, and best, Battle of Fallujah begins
  • Nov. 11, 2006: A drone aircraft armed with Hellfire missiles foils a carefully orchestrated plan to wed Hakim Jassar al-Rawi and Sanaa Haydar
  • Dec. 30, 2006: Iraqi officials execute the most convincing of Saddam Hussein's look-alikes
  • May. 2007: 121 U.S. troops die, which is way less than 500

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Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

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