U.S. Headed For Fiscal Cliff

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Vol 48 Issue 47

Just A Gray TV Screen

Just A Gray TV Screen (PBS) 8 p.m. EST/7 p.m. CST The highly anticipated American debut adapted from the British hit Just A Grey Telly Screen.

Cash Cab

Discovery 5 p.m. EST/4 p.m. CST A passenger in a deepening state of anaphylactic shock is unable to answer the three trivia questions posed to him and is consequently kicked out of the taxi eight blocks shy of Beth Israel’s emergency room.

Not A Shithole

It’s not a shithole. Sure, it could use some work, the plumbing’s not great, and there might be a foundation issue, but come on, a shithole? Why does everyone keep saying that?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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U.S. Headed For Fiscal Cliff

Unless Democrats and Republicans can reach an agreement by Jan. 1, 2013, the United States will go over the so-called “fiscal cliff,” triggering automatic spending cuts and tax increases that many experts believe could plunge the nation back into recession. Here is what will happen if the government fails to act:

  • National Park Service forced to cut Old Faithful eruptions down to once per week
  • Total breakdown of effective government will turn large parts of the country into an unimaginably hellish libertarian paradise
  • Severe cuts to education spending, if you can fathom that
  • Pentagon will be forced to buy off-brand tanks instead of the more costly name-brand ones
  • Historic bridges such as the Brooklyn and Golden Gate will be folded up and put away for safekeeping
  • The American people’s faith in the ability of Congress to get things done will be damaged
  • At stroke of midnight, every government office, place of work, center of commerce, and piece of infrastructure will simultaneously explode
  • Someone will take care of it
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