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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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U.S. Mortality Rate At All-Time Low

In 2009, the mortality rate in the United States fell 2.3 percent to 741 deaths per 100,000. Here are some of the factors behind the nation's lowest-ever death rate:

  • Ignoring that one week when everyone in Minneapolis died
  • Loading up boats with really sick people and sending them out to die in international waters
  • The so-called "741-per-100,000 Murderer" was captured and incarcerated
  • Dr. Christopher Walsh of Youngstown, OH started washing his hands
  • Horace Mann Middle School's 1971 removal of asbestos finally started to pay off
  • Good chunk of population now getting three nutritious meals a day via correctional facilities
  • Shorter bridges that make it easier for people to hold their breath all the way across
  • National Rounded-Scissors Act of 2008
  • None of this exists

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