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USC's Rules Violations

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Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
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USC's Rules Violations

The NCAA says Reggie Bush took cash while playing for the Trojans, but that was hardly the only thing that came to light during its investigation of USC:

  • In 2001, the Trojans offered high school quarterback Matt Leinart illegal gifts to persuade him to come to USC, which the NCAA finds just plain embarrassing
  • University caught giving O.J. Mayo 16 academic scholarships for allegedly scoring 125,000 on the SATs
  • Motivated players by hanging bundles of cash from sticks, taping the sticks to their helmets so the cash dangles in front of them
  • Hundreds of recruits asked to give verbal commitment to the school while being held by their ankles and dangled from the Capitol Records building
  • Trojans celebrated BCS championship by dumping Gatorade bucket filled with Dom Pérignon on coach
  • Reggie Bush arrived to the 2005 Heisman Trophy ceremony in gold-plated tank
  • Hired professional soldiers of fortune to helicopter into Samoa, abduct several capable defenders, and bring them back to campus
  • Review of incident reveals that USC did a pretty good job fucking with Lane Kiffin, so the NCAA will reduce the bowl-eligibility penalty by one year

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