WASHINGTON—Highlighting the benefits of brief, infrequent aerobic activity, U.S. surgeon general Vivek Murthy urged Americans Friday to make sure to exercise once every few months during a frenzied moment of panic regarding their health.
SAN JOSE, CA—Acknowledging that the progress made in such a short amount of time was remarkable, Club One Fitness personal trainer Logan Kaiser told reporters Tuesday he is very impressed by the improvement in both the strength and consistency of hi...
LOS ALTOS, CA—Having reached nearly 2 million downloads within its first month of release, the new smartphone app ProMiler has quickly become one of the nation’s most popular exercise tools by informing users that they ran five miles each day ...
PORTLAND, OR—Making negligible movements with her arms and legs as she sluggishly made her way along the sidewalk, a woman gradually progressing down Madison Street Friday was barely even jogging, sources confirmed.
According to sources at the Boston Sports Club on Newbury Street, a personal trainer at the exercise facility is currently forcing a local man to put on an embarrassing acrobatic spectacle for the entire gym. [Click For Full Story And Video]
In an interview with The New Yorker earlier today, White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci leveled harsh criticism against the FBI and members of the Trump administration. The Onion fact-checks Scaramucci’s claims.
WASHINGTON—Citing today’s announcement that transgendered individuals would be banned from serving in any capacity in the United States armed forces, numerous sources within the Trump administration expressed a deep sense of concern Wednesday that the president was burning through minority scapegoats at an unsustainable rate.