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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Weirdest Game Finishes In Sports History

With the Red Sox Game 3 of the World Series decided by a bizarre obstruction call, Onion Sports takes a look at some of the strangest endings in the history of athletics.

  • 1947 Boston Braves at Brooklyn Dodgers: In his first MLB appearance, Jackie Robinson shockingly finishes the game not murdered at the hands of a baseball crowd filled with violent, racist white people
  • 1972 Immaculate Reception: To this day, many specifics of Terry Bradshaw’s winning touchdown pass to Franco Harris remain in question, such as: (1) Whom did the ball touch in the downfield collision? (2) Who exactly is John “Frenchy” Fuqua? (3) Why was referee Pat Harder at the game in the first place, if not to provide a convenient alibi distancing him from the events that night at the Coleman estate? (4) How does the Black Scorpion play into the whole affair?
  • 1982 Stanford Cardinal at Cal Golden Bears: After a series of unlikely laterals, Cal’s Kevin Moen charges through a pack of celebrating Stanford marching band members into the end zone for a game-winning touchdown, killing three
  • 1983 Pine Tar Incident: In a regular season Royals-Yankees game, the umpire crew nullifies a game-winning George Brett home run after determining that the Kansas City third baseman’s bat is made entirely of pine tar
  • 1997 Holyfield vs. Tyson: Biting Evander Holyfield’s ear off after three rounds seems less strange when one recalls his pre-bout declaration, “I am going to bite my opponent’s ear off”
  • 2003 NLCS: A fan catches a foul ball and the Chicago Cubs go on to lose the game. Deal with it.
  • 2006 Rose Bowl: With just 19 seconds left in the game and the University of Texas down by five, Vince Young takes the ball on fourth and five and rushed into the end zone to beat USC, showcasing the incredible talent that the Tennessee Titans would never see over the next four years
  • 2010 World Cup, U.S. vs. Algeria: Landon Donovan or Clint Dempsey or Alexi Lalas or one of those guys scores a last-second goal to win the game for the U.S.
  • 2012 Green Bay Packers at Seattle Seahawks: Green Bay fans are furious after replacement referee Lance Easley pulls in a last-minute Russell Wilson pass for a touchdown, winning the game for Seattle
  • 2013 Pittsburgh Steelers at Minnesota Vikings: Minnesota wins a game

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